realizations from a bad day

Back in December I had what I thought was a "bad" day.

I was out with a group of friends at a roof boulder and I decided to give one of the longer link ups a whirl. I figured out my beta and gave it a go from the start.

I climbed through 2/3rds of the boulder but got pumped and numb and was unable to finish it. After that try, I was too tired to give it another good go.

We next headed to another long boulder and the same thing happened. I figured out my beta, gave it some goes.. and fell at the end.

I walked away that day feeling disappointed in my inability to execute. I kicked myself for not putting things together quicker, not climbing efficiently enough. I started making lists in my head of how I could do better in the future.

I figured, though, at least I had everything worked out and I could come back and finish both boulders quickly.

Then a funny thing happened.

I went back a few weeks later and couldn't get anywhere close to my high points on either boulder. I left scratching my head, not quite understanding what just happened. "Today was just a fluke," I thought.

But when I went back twice more without success, I realized: what I thought was a bad day that first session... was actually a very good performance day.

It made me recognize two things. First, just how relative a "good" or "bad" day can be. The first session was "bad" relative to my expectation of sending, but "good" relative to my next three sessions.

The performance outcome of each session is actually a neutral circumstance - it's my feelings that give it a positive or negative connotation.

The second recognition came from a conversation about this day with Coach Jeremy Fein: there is a distinction between performance and satisfaction.

Even though I later realized that my performance on that first day had been "good", I wasn't satisfied with my climbing which is why I thought it was "bad". Similarly, it's possibly to be satisfied with my climbing even if it's not my highest performance day.

So how can we find satisfaction in our climbing so that we can still have a good day.. even if our performance doesn't meet our expectations?